Mistakes, Misery, and Remedy.

 

Hello all,

Today, I want to talk about something that lately has been on mind. We as humans sometimes have demons that we have to figure out for ourselves. We have demons that cause us to make mistakes and sometimes that can cause pain and misery not just for us but for the people around us. We are the only people that can fix our demons, and sometimes it takes someone that means a lot to us to step away from us for awhile or forever for us to realize just how bad that demon really is.

Demons can be things from being too overbearing, trying to rush something, wanting to be involved too much, not being patient all the way using drugs. Demons come in all shapes and sizes.  I want to write today about some of my demons and explain some of the reasons that these demons exist in my life. NOW let me be clear, these reasons are NOT excuses to continue to allow your demons to dictate your life but understanding the reason behind your demons is the first step in CRUSHING them.

Growing up from first grade all the way through high school, and even into college I was the kid in the class that everyone made fun off. I was called names from Fag, Trailer Trash, Gay, Homosexual, Ugly, and many more that I can not begin to list. In school I was overweight. Which even caused more problem and allowed more names.

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Trevor (Senior High School) 2010

Going into my adult life it has caused problems. It has caused me to be overbearing with people that I care about, and being very overpowering in new friendships and ultimately causing problems within those friendships, because when I get a friend that I value I will admit that I can get “clingy” and want to be in constant contact.

Here are a few things that I have learned recently, some within the last week and that I wanted to share with you today.

  • Your friends are your friends, YOU DO NOT have to be in contact with them every day for them to care about you, and for them to be there for you, the best friendships are the ones that you don’t have to be in contact every day, every week, or every month but you know if you call them in the middle of the night and if you are 2,000 miles away that they are going to get on a plane, and be there as soon as possible.
  • A friendship is a friendship, the purpose of a friendship is to be there for each other when you need each other.
  • Friends are always going to want what is best for you, even if that means that they have to give you tough love that is ultimately going to cause some pain. In most cases it causes them more pain then it causes you.

We are humans, and every friendship has it tiffs. This is the one thing that I would recommend that you do during those times. Take a step back, step into their shoes, and look at the situation from their perspective. Sometimes as humans we focus on the “me” part of the situation and not the “them” part of the situation. Meaning we are always trying to prove that we are right, which causes more problems. So, something that I have had to do recently is ask myself:

  1. How have my actions impacted their daily life?
  2. How do my actions make my friends feel about my behaviors and actions?
  3. What do I need to change, or work on to improve our friendship?

Now keep in mind that when I say “CHANGE” IT IS NOT CHANGING WHO YOU ARE. It is changing those small actions and behaviors that cause problems. Once you get these under control you see how everything will change for the better.

To my readers that were bullied in school, or even in adult life. YOU MATTER, YOU ARE VALUED, YOU ARE CARED ABOUT, and YOU ALWAYS HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO IF YOU NEED IT. (Reach out via email, my Facebook, or Instagram) Click on each of those to be directed to those pages.

To the readers who might be going through situations like I just wrote about, just be yourself, continue to improve you, and continue to improve how you are going to be the best you.

In situations like I have described where someone has stepped out of your life for awhile or forever, the best thing you can do is to SHOW them through your ACTIONS that you are changing those behaviors. Make sure to apologize, but then follow that apology with ACTION.

Everyone has demons, it is NOT just a select group of people. In these situations, it doesn’t hurt to pray either.

Until next time, KEEP CRUSHING YOUR GOALS

-Trevor

 

FITNESS VS. ANXIETY! WHO WINS???

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Hello all,

Today, I want to talk about something that is close to my heart. Something that I have struggled with my entire life, something that I never thought that I would be able to manage without medicine. That thing is ANXIETY!

According to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, Anxiety affects 40 MILLION adults in the United States and is one of the most common mental illnesses in America. (See facts here)

Let’s back up a few years. Looking back at my childhood, teenage years, and most of my adult life I can now see how Anxiety has affected every single relationship, & friendships that I have ever had. It has caused loss of friends, it has called breakups and heartaches, and I would venture to say that it has played a huge role in the periods in my life where I was affected by extreme Depression.

Now lets fast forward to the beginning of 2018. I touched little on this during my first blog post but I wanted to give you a few more details. I was feeling as if everyone in the world hated me, even my own family even though they had not given me any indication of that. I was overthinking everything, worried about everything.  (Don’t believe me come look at my hair, you will see a few strands of GREY)

That is how I started this fitness journey. I started this fitness journey with me thinking that everyone hated me, & I was unsure if I was going to be able to do this. I started working out and eating as my coach told me to. I saw small changes at first, very small changes the first week to week and a half, and then the big changes to my body started happening. My confidence in myself started to rise, BUT I continued to think negative about myself and my relationships which lead to multiple ANXIETY attacks about everything.  About friends that I was losing, (Side Note: If your “friends” are leaving you because you are trying to do better yourself they ARE NOT your friends. Your friends are the people that are cheering you on, that are encouraging you, and honestly they are pushing you to get to the next level) , about thinking that I wasn’t making the progress that I should be making, thinking that I should be losing more weight, thinking that I was failing myself, and my coach. (Even though he had physically told me that I was making amazing progress, and he was proud of me)

So you might be thinking what happens in an ANXIETY attack. During an anxiety attack, you question everything you question your friend’s loyalty, you think they are going to leave you, you think that they are mad at you or hate you, you think that you are worthless, or don’t deserve to be in their lives. During an anxiety attack, all you want is for someone to say that everything is going to be ok, that you are ok, and that you’re just overthinking things. Part of these is asking your friends questions like the following and I will be honest these are questions that I sent to a close friend of mine that I met in the fitness world.

1) AM I DISAPPOINTING YOU?

2) TELL ME WHAT I DO THAT GETS ON YOUR NERVES THAT MAKES YOU NOT WANT TO BE AROUND ME, SO I CAN FIX IT?

3) DO I DESERVE YOUR FRIENDSHIP?

Now, that you understand what happens during an anxiety attack, let me tell you how fitness and the people around me have helped me manage it WITHOUT medicine or anything.

The day that I send the questions above to a friend of mine, HE DID NOT RESPOND and to be honest it made me freak out more, and honestly made me super mad.   The next day rolls around and I ask him about me starting a medicine for Anxiety his response was:

“I don’t think that you need to turn to something to help with anxiety but to control it yourself”

I then went back into detail about why I think I need medicine and his response was:

“You need to focus on you dude. Don’t worry about me leaving you. I’m your friend for a reason. You overthink stuff. STOP DOING THAT!!!!  You are causing the anxiety by OVER THINKING EVERYTHING!! Just live life and go with it!!!! Make yourself happy, before someone else.”

I continued my path of second guessing everything, and then asked him to answer the questions that I had sent the day before and his response was:

“NO. I’m not answering those questions. You’re creating the negativity bull crap in your head. So, STOP over thinking crap and live life in the fitness world.”

I have to admit that I was taken back by this, I have to admit I was a little upset that he didn’t coddle me like most of the people in my past, I was angry at him for that, but little did I know that he had set me on a path that was going to teach me how to control my anxiety for myself.

Fast forward a few weeks, while hanging out with some friends in the fitness world, someone said something that threw me into an attack, and I sent a message to this same friend and told him that I was having an attack. HE DID NOT RESPOND. I am pretty sure that he told the people that we were hanging with to not pay attention to me, and to let me handle it, and not to coddle me.  NONE OF THEM DID.   The people in that group that we were hanging with that night were very blunt with me and told me that if I didn’t want history to repeat itself that I had to take the cause of the out of the equation and that when I realized that anxiety was the thing that all my past relationships had in common.

That was the moment that I took a step back and started to really focus on me, my goals, and my dreams.  I started going to the gym and focused on me instead of it being a social hour, it was me in there Grinding with my head down. It was me focused on me and no one else. It was me not giving a crap in the world about what people thought of me except for a select 3 people. It was me thinking positive every day.

Fitness has basically eliminated my anxiety, and I am speaking from personal experience when I ask this next question. Are you suffering from anxiety?  If so ask yourself these four questions?

  1. What am I focused on that is causing this? Am I focused on what someone else has that I want?
  2. Do you have people around you that care about you to give you that tough love like my friend gave me? (I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to be the guy that was making the road a little rougher, but he knew in the long run that is what I needed)
  3. Are you overthinking everything about everything, every relationship, and every friendship? If so have you tried to just set back and relax and try to look at it from a different view?
  4. What is the reason for the anxiety, is it the thought of you losing someone? Or something else? If you really want to find a way to manage it, finding out why is your first step.

Fitness, the gym, and the support system that I have gained have allowed me to be able to manage my anxiety without any medicine, and there are all types of natural ways out there for you to manage it.

For me, it was Fitness and the FAMILY that I have gained from it.

To the people mentioned in this blog, thank you. You know who you are!

Until next time, KEEP GRINDING, KEEP PRESSING FOR YOUR GOALS.

-Trevor

*** Disclaimer:  I am not a doctor, always follow doctors instructions on medicine and their treatment plans. This blog is about my personal experience.

 

 

 

 

Why? Why the new Lifestyle? Why a blog?

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Hello everyone, So about 18 weeks ago I took the plunge. I made the leap into a new life that I never imaged in a million years that I could be apart of. I plunged into a new life in fitness, a new life where I put a huge priority on myself, my health, and some of the goals that I wanted to achieve my entire life (I will go into those on a future blog, stay tuned) What I actually got into was a family, friends that wanted what was best for me, and it has been one of the best decisions of my life.

This blog is designed to help people who are wanting to get into the fitness lifestyle, are just getting into the fitness lifestyle, want to just follow my journey or people who have been in it for years and just want a good read.

I want to start off by saying in no way am I professional writer, or a professional blogger, but if some of the experiences that I have faced will help just one single person; I feel like that I have a duty not only to the fitness world but to everyone to write and help that person.

Some of the things that I will talk about are private, & I am allowing everyone to have access to my personal life. Feel free to message me with questions or comments, but I will say this; no negative comments will be tolerated.

18 weeks ago, I was overweight very unhappy, and ready to end it all. I was ready to leave this world with what I had done to date and I WAS scared to chase my dreams. I reached out and messaged a guy (who is now my coach, and an amazing friend) by the name of Evan Jefferson. Since then my world has changed. My world has been turned upside down for the better. I have seen major progress, I have allowed myself to do things that I was scared to do before, and for the first time in a long time I am excited about life, I am excited about getting up every morning, I have found my passion.

I am excited to share all my experiences with you and excited to answer questions that you guys might have. I will try to have a new blog post up every Saturday by noon.

If you are reading this and want to start your journey in the fitness world, my coach Evan Jefferson (Click here to link to his Instagram and be able to send him a message) is accepting new clients, and he will be more than happy to help you reach your goals. He is an amazing coach, and you will not regret the decision to have him help you reach those goals.

Until next time, CONTINUE TO CRUSH YOUR GOALS, KEEP PUSHING, and KEEP GRINDING.

-Trevor